HALLOWEEN 2010 MOVIE GUIDE

Wow, I somehow made it a year with this blog. When I first did my 2009 Halloween piece, I never thought I'd still be putting time and effort into this blog. Usually that is how things go with me, but my passion for film has somehow kept me going, even through the non-active spots. Anyway, this is what I think you should watch this year. Face it, you are probably a nerd anyway if you are reading this blog and won't be going to any Halloween parties with cool costumes and slutty chicks. Here is my official guide to 2010 Halloween night viewing, hopefully I'll still be around for 2011...

5) Night of the Living Dead (1990)

Yes, this is the remake of the ultra classic black and white original. Yes, it is not as good as that film. But, I have to say, it is still extremely enjoyable. I would rank it among one of the better remakes and you can start your night off with something solid. There are scares, extra gore, and pretty decent performances by the actors. I recommended the original last year (obvious choice), but the less obvious choice of the remake may be a good choice to start off your night in the dark...

4) Tales From The Darkside: The Movie (1990)

Now move onto something a little more fun. "Tales From The Darkside" was the less popular more low budget show compared to "Tales From The Crypt", but it still had its fanbase, enough to produce multiple seasons and a movie. You don't have to take this movie seriously, but it is quite enjoyable. Personal favorite story in the anthology is the gargoyle one, but all are pretty cool really.

3) Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

It seems like this year, I'm advocating movies that are generally not liked. "Halloween III" was hated by many. A sequel to the classic original and the slasher gem 2nd film not involving Michael Myers? WTF people were outraged and it still seems to carry over into today's world. In the midst of all the hate, people don't realize they are watching an awesome movie. As far as plot goes, it actually makes no sense. Things happen that really have no reason for happening, but I have to say this is one of the most unique and entertaining low budget films of the 80s. And along with the cool deaths and gore, you have B movie icon Tom Atkins playing a detective type character. You also have the signature eerie John Carpenter score and feel to this movie. Something that is lacking from Halloween 4 and on. I prefer it to all the other sequels where they brought Michael Myers in fact. Maybe if it had a different name, it could have been more successful...

2) Dead Snow (2009)

"Dead Snow" is my more modern pick for the year and I was thoroughly entertained by it. Yes, it is foreign, but it seems that only foreign film directors seems to get the B movie genre these days. You can still create an exciting and fun movie, without making it a complete joke. "Dead Snow" falls under that category. It has an extremely ridiculous premise; Nazi zombies attacking some young kids in a cabin. There is a ton of over the top gore and violence, and some intentionally comedic moments, but somehow it just works. This is a good movie, one that will entertain you, but satisfy your sick needs. Zombies are getting more and more popular it seems, but if I have to go with a modern zombie flick, I'm telling you to watch "Dead Snow".

1) "The Shining" (1980)

I could pick any number of classics as the #1 pick this year, but there is a reason I picked this one. "The Shining" will always be one of the top 3 scariest movies of all time. If you try to argue otherwise, you are just wrong. I am desensitized to scares at this point, but "The Shining" still evokes a little emotion out of me. If you are a wuss, this is not the movie to be watching alone in the dark tonight. But if you want a really solid scary end to your night, you aren't going to find much better than "The Shining".

HORROR FAIL PART 3: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010

Everyone that knows me knows my stance on remakes. I pretty much hate all of them, unless they were remade in the 80s. There have been a few "ok" ones here and there, but not enough to sway my opinion. In comes a remake of one of the most legendary slasher movies of all time. I was not excited about this project, but I have to say, the trailer put some hope in my heart. Upon release, the film was pretty much blasted, but I still decided to ignore the critics and my friends and decide for myself. I kind of wish I had listened to the opinions. This isn't the worst movie ever, but it just doesn't live up to the original, or even add any exciting elements like the sequels. You can definitely argue part 5 and 6 are worse than this movie, but they had originality, something the 2010 remake completely lacks.

In this film we have better special effects, better actors, better cinematography, and pretty much everything else that comes along with a bigger budget. But what is the major fail that holds this film down? It just isn't scary in the least. I may be desensitized to horror at this point, but I can still detect when a movie has legitimate scares and thrills. The remake fails on all levels in the scare department, and goes for the loud screeching noise at a "jumpy" part to scare the audience instead. In all seriousness, they could have just ripped off the mood and scenes of the first movie frame for frame and they would have produced more scares. The only plus about this movie is we get a decent backstory involving Freddy Krueger. Jackie Earl Haley is one of the best current creepy actors and I actually think they did a fine job in casting him. He adds some more seriousness to the role that was made a little more comical by Robert Englund. But sadly, he doesn't have much to work with. Take a bunch of generic teenagers and use different kill tactics from other movies but throw then in dream sequences and that is what you have with this movie. I like the casting, the backstory, and I'll go as far as to say it isn't at the bottom end of recent horror remakes. But still compared to the OG Nightmare, it is an epic fail.

*2 Lance Approvals*

HORROR FAIL PART 2: THE MANGLER

"The Mangler" had all the makings for a 90's horror classic. Based off a Stephen King story: Check. Starring horror icon Robert Englund: Check. Directed by influential "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" director Tobe Hooper: Check. Decent special effects and gore: Check +! Even the premise is somewhat cool and unique; a massive laundry machine in a factory starts to go haywire when it tastes the blood of a worker involved in an accident with the machine. Somewhere between pre-production and the filming something went completely wrong though. I've heard of people referring to this film in the "so bad it's good" category, but I wouldn't even classify it in that. The acting and script is atrocious. Something else about the movie makes it unwatchable, at least sober. I'm not sure if they were trying to be funny with the cop's nerdy sidekick or the over the top makeup and performance of Robert Englund as an old man, but they really missed the "black comedy" boat. I found myself surfing the nerd more than paying attention to this film. What boggles my mind even more is that is has somehow produced multiple sequels. Everyone knows that the sequel usually sucks, especially in horror, but at least the original has something worthwhile to make it into a series. I guess when it comes to "The Mangler", it didn't matter. Only gets 1 approval for some savage gore and some cool effects.

*1 Lance Approval*

HORROR FAIL PART 1: SCARECROWS

It is almost Halloween, which means this blog has been around for a year. How that happened without me completely losing interest, I don't know. I've been watching a lot of horror lately, as I always do during this season. I was thinking of just doing your basic reviews of unknown horror movies you probably haven't seen and why I am recommending them. But I decided to do something different, probably because I've been extremely disappointed in some films I've been really excited about seeing or that I remember being a lot better when I was younger. I will be posting my Halloween film viewing guide as I did last year, so you will be getting the gems soon. But for now, let's take a look at some films I say you should avoid....

"Scarecrows" is one of those movies I've wanted to watch for years just based on the cover and premise. The VHS cover was even cooler looking than the DVD cover I posted above and it was somewhat hard to find at one point. When I was looking for it, I could never find it and when it was finally widely released on DVD there were times I considered buying it without viewing it. It just sounded so awesome. I've always been down with scarecrows, but was always let down by the films involving them. If there was one genuinely creepy scarecrow movie out there, I figured this was it.

Sadly, "Scarecrows" is not the film I've been waiting for. After it sitting on my queue for a couple months I finally bumped it up and was extremely excited to finally view one of the most hyped horror movies I hadn't seen in my mind. Even a lot of the reviews online were pretty decent. Once I started watching it was very apparent I was going to be let down. I'm all for the "bad" movie. It can still have certain elements to make it enjoyable, but the combination of bad acting, bad pacing, bad screenplay, and bad buildup really make this movie an EPIC FAIL. What you have hear is a story that really doesn't lead to much of a horror movie. It follows the guidelines more of a "Predator" or "Aliens" movie, but without the budget and fantastic film crew. You have some characters that are considered bad, stuck in a farm area, where Scarecrows are killing them off and you really don't know why. Some innocents are involved, and there are some cool deaths, but even those fall a little bit flat. The only thing going for this movie is it is somewhat unpredictable, but probably because it just doesn't make much sense.

"Scarecrows" had all the makings to be a decent B horror movie. It comes from the 80s, has some creepy looking Scarecrows, some dark atmosphere, and a cast of totally different characters to work with. What we end up getting is a C grade action movie rip off in the dark, with scarecrows that have no motives as the villains, when really the main characters are the villains. "Scarecrows" may have introduced the scarecrow sub-genre of horror movies, but it hardly is a film to set a standard.

*1 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

VAN DAMME: A RETROSPECTIVE (25 Career Highlights Good & Bad) PART 4

Sorry, its been a week since I last posted. But hey, at least you had something to look forward to. This is the final list and BEST of the man JCVD:

7) In Hell

It has been awhile since I've watched this movie all the way through, but I remember being completely surprised by it. Not only are the action scenes realistic and raw compared to the choreographed ballet of violence we are used to getting in Van Damme movies, but the story itself is good and the performances are moving. This is actually a good prison movie as well, not just a Van Damme action flick. There is a sob story involved, but if you ignore the horrible CGI butterfly, then you can appreciate this film for what it is.

6) TIE: Hard Target & Cyborg

Yes, "Hard Target" is the movie where Van Damme rocks the southern mullet and knocks out snakes. It is also the movie filled with over the top villains played by the likes of B movie stars Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vosloo. Throw in Yancy Butler "Witchblade: The Series" and veteran Hong Kong action director John Woo making his American debut and you have a full package. A lot of people didn't like the story, but watching the film you can't help but marvel at the director's signature touches. Only Woo can make gun violence and explosions look so beautiful. Woo and Van Damme might not have been the best mix and this is neither of their greatest works, but coming together is a pretty decent early 90s action flick. If it wasn't for the style of Woo this film probably would have floundered, but he makes it one of the most visually interesting Van Damme films to watch.

"Cyborg" may not have won any awards for, well anything really, but it holds a special place in my heart and was one of the "Big 3" early Van Damme pictures that put him on the map. As you see above, Van Damme is somewhat of a futuristic Jesus in this movie and must take down a band of villainous pirates named after guitars who have captured a cyborg that contains important information to help save the future. I'm not going to commend any of these performances, but what I do like is the fight scenes and the gritty future this film sets up. "Cyborg" is not a good movie in the classical sense, but it is extremely entertaining. And really, who hasn't wanted to do a spin kick to someone's throat with a knife attached to their shoe? You are probably wondering why I made it a tie with "Hard Target", and the answer is I just couldn't put it above it or above any of the next films I'm going to talk about. Or it could be I just forget to list it properly until I started writing this piece. Who's to say?

5) Universal Soldier

Besides "Timecop", this might be Van Damme's other most successful film. Honestly, it is just a really good action flick. There are hints of science fiction and drama, but as far as pacing and an action film playing out with exciting moments and tension, it doesn't get much better than "Universal Soldier". Dolph Lundgren puts on one of his best performances as a lunatic soldier and Van Damme does surprisingly well as a machine like killer, but also a man who is starting to have feelings. Plain and simple, an action classic.

4) Universal Soldier: Regeneration

Some people would think I'm insane for putting this so high, or even above the original "Universal Soldier". I mean, this movie wouldn't exist without the original right? Well, for "Regeneration" the answer is more of a maybe. This movie would be really good even if it didn't have Van Damme and the "Universal Soldier" history attached to it. This film goes the smart route and ignores everything from "The Return" and creates an edgy new look for the franchise. The cinematography is amazing. The action sequences are brilliantly filmed. All around this movie is just plain good. The most surprising thing to me was mma fighter Andre Arlovski putting on a decent performance as a silent killer and lesser known mma fighter Mike Pyle holding his own as the hero soldier. You have to see it to believe my words and I know that is hard to accept coming from a straight to DVD sequel to a movie from many years ago. Just judging from the cover it looks like a disaster, but with the promise of approval by Death of the B-Movie, I strongly recommend giving "Regeneration" a try. To me, it is the best straight to DVD movie of all time and one of the best movies of the year.

3) JCVD

The movie that single handedly pumped new life into Van Damme's direct to DVD career and FINALLY gave him the acting credit he deserved. This is not an action movie. This is a drama and character study of a man broken and beaten. This film is very smart to use Van Damme's native tongue instead of english. His acting chops really show and the fact that the story is so closely based on his real life, adds extra heart to the most unique film of JCVD's career. Some people may say it is the best film he has ever done. It depends on what you are looking for. From a pure entertainment standpoint, probably not. But from a personal level, it may be his best work.

2) Kickboxer

I really struggled between putting "JCVD" ahead of "Kickboxer" or after. They are both so different, but so good for many reasons. Technically, in pretty much every aspect, "JCVD" is a better movie. But "Kickboxer" will go down as one of the most influential martial arts movies of the 1980s and one of the most entertaining martial arts pictures ever. Van Damme travels to Thailand with his kickboxing champion brother. His brother is brutally hurt in the ring when he can't adapt to the Thai style rules and JCVD must avenge his brother in an epic battle with Tong Po, the man who permanently paralyzed him. Chances are if you've never seen "Kickboxer" you won't go see it now and you probably won't even like. "Kickboxer" isn't for those people, but for the Van Damme fans, for the martial arts fans, for the 80's B movie fans, montage training fans, etc. This is just classic Van Damme and classic martial arts action. If you didn't grow up on this film then you probably don't understand, but those of us who were violence craving young boys understand the importance of this movie.

1) Bloodsport

For those who have seen "Bloodsport" does it really need an explanation? I guess I'll humor you, even though anyone reading a B-movie blog has probably seen this martial arts classic. Where to start? "Bloodsport" is the first starring role picture by Van Damme and the movie that put him on the map. The studio didn't give it a chance and no one liked JCVD, but it was a surprise hit and a whole slew of copy cat movies have been made since it's release, some even involving Van Damme himself. "Bloodsport" is probably the most important martial arts movie of the 80s and did many things for the genre just like "Enter The Dragon" did in the 70s, and Jackie Chan pictures did in the 90s. One could also argue that this was the first time different styles of martial arts were mixed and recognized this extensively and detailed. Besides the general overview of why this film rules, what about the other small things that make this picture so special? So many little things can be mentioned that it is nearly impossible remembering them all, even after hundreds of viewings. The classic one liners from Jackson aka Ogre in "Revenge of the Nerds", the brutal battle scenes, the colorful characters, the old asian man saying "OK USA!", and Van Damme showing his butt for the first time (although not last) make this movie unique compared to other pictures of the same genre. Van Damme does his best spin kicks and has his best training montages. He battles the most classic villain of any of his films, Chong Li. And with "Kickboxer", "Bloodsport" packed a one two punch that could have only catapulted Van Damme to higher stardom.

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There you have it, the essential list. I'm wondering what other people's favorite Van Damme movies are and why. I actually put time and effort into this one, so hopefully you enjoyed.

VAN DAMME: A RETROSPECTIVE (25 Career Highlights Good & Bad) PART 3

JCVD hanging with the russians and taking in the fights...

13) Death Warrant

JCVD goes undercover as a prisoner to investigate some disturbing murders going on in Harrison State Prison. This is basically classic Van Damme. Some great martial arts, cheesy one liners, and outrageous early 90s outfits. It doesn't live up to some of the other classics, but it belongs in the category. JCVD is probably the worst undercover cop of all time, doing everything wrong left and right, but blame it on the script. We get one of the best villains though in The Sandman, played by B-movie creep Patrick Kilpatrick ("The Stand", "The X-Files")

12) Replicant

Like everyone else, I wasn't expecting much from this film. But I still remember sitting by the TV waiting for the debut of this straight to DVD picture on USA network. And like everyone else, I was surprised at how decent this film was. Not only was this the first time we got to see some genuine emotion from JCVD (much better than "Nowhere to Run"), we have a film that had the story come first, and the action second. Not very often did we get this in a Van Damme picture. Always classic Michael Rooker adds some flavor to this film and veteran action director Ringo Lam puts some extra pizazz into this science fiction themed action drama.

11) Maximum Risk

Also directed by Ringo Lam, "Maximum Risk" will always be the sleeper hit by JCVD. It was right at the beginning of his downfall and pretty much forgotten in the grand picture of his career. A little more serious than his other movies at the time, "Maximum Risk" is basically just a well done action thriller. People were disappointed because Ringo Lam brought some serious steam to America and this was considered a let down, but even in critic's minds this was above average for a Van Damme film. Throw in "Species" hotty Natasha Henstridge and some bath house violence and you get a great Van Damme vehicle.

10) Double Impact

From a critical standpoint, "Maximum Risk" and "Replicant" are probably better movies than "Double Impact", but what we have here from this twin Van Damme picture is pure entertainment. Like "Replicant" we have Van Damme in a dual role where he may not show as amazing acting chops in this movie, but he provides some of the best action and comedic moments of his career (whether they are intentional or not I don't know). We get some cameos from "Bloodsport" co-stars to add a little something extra for Van Damme fans to nerd out about.

9) Lionheart

This was a personal favorite of mine growing up, but as an adult it is easier to pick up on the flaws. Still "Lionheart" has a special place in my heart. There is just something really cool about a foreigner coming to America and being forced to fight in an underground street fighting circuit. Ignoring the emotional cheesy family sideplot, JCVD provides some of the best fights against some of the most unique characters in cool settings of his career. For some extra fun they threw in some cool roles by Brian Thompson ("The X-Files", "Terminator" need I say more?), a bad ass bitch and fake Sharon Stone, and the guy who also beats up Van Damme in "The Quest" and "The Order".

8) Timecop

"Timecop" will probably be known as the most financially successful film of Van Damme's career, but it certainly isn't his best. From a plot stand point, it has more holes than a golf course, but what we get is a lot of fun. Van Damme travels through time beating up bad guys and trying to get over the death of his beloved wife Mia Sara ("Legend", "Ferris Bueller's Day Off") and also my 1980's crush. Van Damme does the splits to avoid electrically charged water in his kitchen and he also reps the mullet which shall be seen again on this list. "Timecop" goes in the summer blockbuster category. Some cool action and science fiction special effects, but not the most challenging plot and unpredictable story telling. Still, I love this movie and will always think about Cartman buying 4 copies of "Timecop" on dvd at Walmart for $9.95. Such a deal.

The final part coming soon....

VAN DAMME: A RETROSPECTIVE (25 Career Highlights Good & Bad) PART 2

Hey! How could you hate this guy? Continuing from part 1, part 2 is more of the OK era of Van Damme. You know, the kind of movies you watch at 3 am on USA but can't quite bring yourself to buying unless you want every JCVD movie in existence.

19) Knock Off

The late 90s were an odd time for our man Van Damme. His popularity was decreasing and he was barely holding on in theaters. Still, he was paired with some bigger stars unlike his more successful early films. Right after Rodman, we got "Deuce Bigalow" himself Rob Schneider who at least was a seasoned actor and comedian. Still, his "annoyingness" didn't help the overall quality of this picture. What we have here is a movie with some decent Hong Kong style action but an overall unmemorable movie.

18) Second In Command

For a straight to DVD movie, this isn't bad. The problem is JCVD has actually produces some high quality rental bin movies and this one just gets lost in the shuffle. The story itself isn't anything original, but it at least has some intrigue. This movie involves a lot of corruption and politics involved in a small eastern european country, but you can't help but think this could translate to America. The main problem here is that it has big ideas and probably could have benefitted from a big budget. The low grade CGI doesn't help when you are trying to take a terrorist situation seriously. Still, this was a step in the right direction in my opinion.

17) Sudden Death

There are moments of "Sudden Death" I truly like. The problem is Van Damme had already hit his peak in the 90s and he started to produce generic action flicks that didn't have the spark of his early films. He had just come off his big budget blockbusters and was now coming to a turning point in his career. This is obviously the beginning of the downfall, but all in all it isn't a horrible action flick. This is one of those movies you buy on VHS for 99 cents and get a quality viewing or two out of it for nostalgia's sake.

16) The Quest

Let's just come out and say it, "The Quest" is a huge "Bloodsport" rip off. We have the same basic plot line, but it tries to be an epic adventure story and the fight scenes take place in a different asian country. It even involves some of the same people that created the first film. I remember my dad taking me to see this in theaters back in 1996 and I couldn't have been more stoked. I remember the film dragging at points, but I remember some beautiful landscape images and some pretty solid fight scenes. The 2 main problems here are that this film tries to be too big for it's own good and if you had the choice between watching this and "Bloodsport"; my guess is 99.9% of the world would watch "Bloodsport". The movie takes too long in getting started with the meat and potatoes, which is the fight tournament. We have a lot of side plots involving travel and Van Damme taking care of street kids while dressing as a clown to rob the rich. Still there are some quality set designs, costumes, and actors involved in this picture. James Remar as an old school boxer is very memorable.

15) Legionnaire

For a straight to DVD release, this film has a pretty good look and style. The main problem with "Legionnaire" is that it doesn't know what kind of picture it wants to be. Is this an epic war story? Is this a 1920's romance? Is this an action flick starring JCVD? I like what some of this film tries to do, but it also suffers from some of "The Quest" syndrome in the sense that it tries to be an epic period piece. "Legionnaire" just doesn't have the time and budget to be that. We don't really understand the history of the war and we basically have JCVD being thrown into it because he works for a corrupt boxer. Still, I like the ending, some of the performances, and it was an early showing of Van Damme going outside the martial arts action picture box.

14) Nowhere To Run

Ah, the "emotional" Van Damme movie. I remember the marketing for this film was Jean Claude with a heart. Sadly, this just makes it a little more boring than his faster paced action movies, because lets be real, this was still JUST an action picture. The plot is pretty cliche when you think about it. The brooding hero Van Damme falls for the single mother who is trying to protect her home from evil developers backed by a corrupt sheriff. This was one of those movies you watched when your parents went to sleep because there were brief moments of nudity, but as far as violence goes it isn't as extreme as the other late 80s/early 90s JCVD pictures. This was smack dab in the middle of Van Damme popularity, but I feel it doesn't hold up to his other movies at the time.