"THINNER"

"Thinner" is a mid-90's Stephen King adaptation that finds itself lost somewhere in the middle of the King web of stories. It certainly isn't the worst, but no one is putting it in their top 10 Stephen King. "Thinner" is about an overweight lawyer that gets in a car wreck and accidentally kills an old gypsy woman. Her gypsy father then casts a curse on the fat lawyer turning him into a skinny freak. At first it is a blessing, but it becomes a curse the lawyer must put a stop to. "Thinner" is directed by Tom Holland, who you may know as the director of "Child's Play" and "Fright Night". The film also has some semi decent actors with often cast gangster Joe Mantegna ("House of Games"), often naked/whorish Kari Wuhrer ("Anaconda", "Sliders"), and often cast white guy Robert John Burke ("Robocop 3").

The problem with "Thinner" is that is plays out more like an extended episode of "Tales From The Crypt" opposed to a feature length movie. I like that it doesn't take itself too seriously and you are constantly entertained, but the twist ending and the over the top performances almost relegate it to "made for TV" status. I believe the good outweigh the bad though, and "Thinner" is heavy in appealing characteristics. In the end, "Thinner" is mostly enjoyable for it's excellent makeup effects and campy feel. Maybe not an essential B-movie, but a worthy 90's horror see.

*2 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"HOME MOVIE"

Keeping on the subject of documentaries, we have "Home Movie" by Chris Smith. Mr. Smith is probably more known for his other documentary "American Movie", but "Home Movie" has it's share of memorable moments and should be discussed among the unique documentaries of the past 10 years. Like "American Movie" this film captures all the weird but loveable people only America could produce. Here we get to see five of the good ole USA's most unique homes. There is an alligator wrangler who lives on a houseboat in Louisiana, an older woman living in a treehouse located in Hawaii, a man who invented everything in his home - automated rooms and such, a couple who live in a cat home, and finally a family that developed their home in an underground missile silo.

Although every one of these homeowner's seem to be insane they are also interesting and living out what they believe to be the "American Dream". This film honestly creeped me out at moments, but it was also hilarious and dare I say heartwarming? These people definitely live outside the box and it makes you wonder what everyone else would do if they weren't so caught up in being a typical member of society. In the end this is a short and fun film. Everyone can enjoy this film, definitely A-CAP backed.

*3 Lance Approvals*

"BURDEN OF DREAMS"

Whenever I thought about insane movie directors, the first person who always came to mind was James Cameron. His intense vision and lack of human emotion really emphasize the moral of a director who will do anything to complete his perfect film. People's feelings and safety are not taken into account for the sake of his art and I always found that hilarious and interesting. I am proud to say after viewing "Burden of Dreams", Werner Herzog takes the cake for most insane director. "Burden of Dreams" is a documentary about the making of world famous film "Fitzcarraldo" which was plagued with problems from the beginning. The story of "Fitzcarraldo" is that of an insane man trying to build an opera house in the amazon. The true story of "Burden of Dreams" rivals the plot and main character because of Herzog's vision of creating an authentic and perfect movie in the amazon.

Here we see a 30 ton ship being pulled over a muddy hill. There were easier ways to do it, but Herzog insisted on doing it like this and it caused many problems, including injuries. This is just one of the many problems Herzog comes across in making this film, along with being unwelcoming in the middle of a civil war between amazon tribes. There are many one on one interviews with Herzog himself where he slowly slips into insanity while the movie falls apart. He is not completely insane though, he is a genius filmmaker and he has some great insight while discussing matters of life and film. This is not a perfect film, in fact, there are some boring moments, but if you have seen "Fitzcarraldo" or have interest in seeing it, you will appreciate it much more after viewing this documentary. Definitely one of the better documentary's out there, and deserves more recognition. If anything, "Burden of Dreams" should at least be viewed by any film buff interesting in the art of filmmaking.

*3 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"BEAUTIFUL BOXER"

Keeping with the martial arts theme of the weekend, let's take a more serious turn for one of the most unique true story's/films of all time, "Beautiful Boxer". This movie is the story of Nong Thoom, a young man in Thailand who struggles with his identity. Ever since he was a small boy he felt different, and was more in tune with his female side. Eventually Nong Thoom takes up muay thai, where he becomes a very talented fighter winning prize money to provide for his family, but eventually to fund an expensive sex change operation. In one of the manliest sports around, Thoom must battle with keeping his feelings to himself or letting his true self out. Below is a picture documenting the stages of the real Nong Thoom:

This is the kind of story you wouldn't believe is true till you saw it with your own eyes. It is one of the craziest events in world history in my opinion. But as crazy as it sounds, it isn't that insane of a story. It is a remarkably done film that only a foreign film maker could create. Although this film has some rare subject matter, I would say it is somewhat tame. The operation is discussed, but we never see it. The film is more about the feelings of the fighter and what a different young man goes through, thrown together with the training and fighting lifestyle of Thailand's national sport. Also this is one of the rare films to use actual Muay Thai instead of just movie martial arts. The actor playing Nong Thoom is portrayed by real life Thai boxer Asanee Suwan, who had never acted prior to this film. Any movie buff and foreign film fan should check this movie out. It is not just an action movie, it is everything. This film is extremely rich in quality and look. I am not doing the film justice with a 2 paragraph review. You must view it with your own eyes to fully understand and appreciate this story.

*4 Lance Approvals*

"AMERICAN KICKBOXER 1"

In keeping with the low budget martial arts films, lets take a look at "American Kickboxer 1". Before even viewing this movie, you know it is off to a good start when the number 1 is already in the title. Don't even bother hiding the fact that there will be a sequel with movies like this, and "American Kickboxer 1" embraces this. "American Kickboxer 1" stars a bunch of American kickboxing rules fighters who have some legit competition behind their belts in a formulaic but entertaining martial arts competition story. Main character is on top, main character falls. While he falls, bad guy rises to the top. Good guy must overcome the odds and beat the bad guy. We've seen this time and time again, but this movie at least attempts to add some of it's own touches and keep it entertaining.

I enjoyed the semi realistic fight scenes. While it may not look as pretty as "Kickboxer" or "Bloodsport" it has a more realism that someone who has done martial arts can enjoy. The acting isn't the worst, but it is definitely over the top. This style movie no longer works, but if you are a fan of the late 80s/early 90s action genre like me, this is right up your alley. Also, little known fact: "American Kickboxer 2" is an unrelated sequel that has nothing to do with the original, the actual sequel to this film is title "To The Death" which also stars John Barnett from this film.

*2 Lance Approvals*

"FUTUREKICK"

"Futurekick" starring Don "The Dragon" Wilson is suppose to be "The Terminator" meets "Kickboxer" with a large dose of "Total Recall". While I think some of the story rips off "Total Recall" and the opening credits is the biggest "Terminator" rip off ever, most of the similarities stop there, or at least the budget stops it from going any further. But for being so low budget, it is one of the better films in the least loved genre of "martial arts sci-fi".

From the beginning, this movie had no real chance to be taken seriously, except with avid martial arts movie fans. Even semi-fans would probably be turned off by the science fiction. But as bad as this movie is, it really isn't that bad. There are some decent actors here as well, including the late great Chris Penn and Meg Foster ("Masters of the Universe", "They Live"). Exploding heads, legit martial arts, and futuristic strippers gets my stamp of approval. Just don't mess with the Don...

*2 Lance Approvals*

"THAT WAS THEN... THIS IS NOW"

Craig Sheffer strikes again on Death of the B-Movie blog! And you better believe this isn't the last time. I don't know what it is about movies starring Craig Sheffer, he's a great actor, but they never quite seem to make it. Anyway "That Was Then... This Is Now" is one of the lesser known S.E. Hinton film adaptations. If you aren't an idiot you've heard of or read his other works "The Outsiders" and "Rumble Fish". This time around we don't have the all star cast of those films, but we do have another 80's teen star in Emelio Estevez. He actually wrote the screenplay for this film, and while it isn't amazing, it surely isn't bad. He does take some artistic liberties though with "his" version, such as, a more 80's/brat pack style than the book.

Despite it's flaws, I still think it is a decent movie about growing up. The 80's did it the best, and I still would rather watch this than any teen movie from the past 15 years. It's no "Sixteen Candles" as far as popularity, but it isn't much worse than the other brat pack movies of that era. Once again, the age old argument of "the book is better than the movie" applies here, but this isn't a bad movie. If you love the 80's and coming of age, check it out. It's out of print and somewhat rare, but look around your local video store and you may find a cheap used copy like I did. If you don't like it, sell it on amazon for 30 bucks to some idiot.

*2 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"TERMINAL INVASION"

I used to believe anything starring Bruce Campbell could be semi-entertaining. Then I watched "Terminal Invasion". I usually tend to stay away from sci-fi original movies, but because this one was starring the man himself and directed by Sean S. Cunningham ("Friday the 13th") I decided to give it a shot...

Man, sci-fi originals are just plain bad. TV movies in general seem to lack a lot of impressive qualities, but the sci-fi channel really goes to no lengths to make anything original or interesting. Sadly, this is not the worst of what the sci-fi channel has produced. But, this film is also insulting to anyone's intelligence. Black people will cringe at the representation of their race, and the twist involving this gentleman at the end doesn't make up for the blatantly racist and stereotypical role he portrays. A major flaw with this film can be figured out from just reading the back of the dvd case. Why would aliens try to take over a small airport in the middle of nowhere when they have the technology and strength to take on a major city airport? Is logic ruining the film experience for me? Or maybe just the idea of budget effecting the film's plot is to blame, I don't know. Bruce Campbell is still fun to look at and listen to, but the film probably would have been better off letting him just improvise all his lines. Maybe they did because it doesn't seem like they cared much about this film, and he chose to be the generic fallen hero. When it comes to recent Campbell outings, I recommend "My Name is Bruce" instead.

*1 Lance Approval*

Come on Bruce, we know you could do better with a camcorder in your backyard.

"STAGE FRIGHT"

When it comes to Italian horror films "Stage Fright" aka "Deliria" may not be as known as the Dario Argento classics, but it surely deserves to be up there. This is just a flat out COOL movie. This came out around the end of the 80's slasher craze and it managed to avoid some of the typical slasher film cliches while keeping up the death and gore to a lofty level. When it comes to generic slasher films you expect the typical setting of the isolated teenagers stuck in the woods or a quiet neighborhood. Here we still get the isolation, but in a much different and fresh setting of a theater set. This setting allows for a lot of interesting and unique deaths and stylish plot developments not usually associated with the slasher genre. The killer here is another escaped insane asylum victim, but he has one of the coolest masks (as seen below) and killer instinct in the 80's slasher world. While this may not be the typical slasher to satisfy your exploitive needs, it is certainly a more stylish one that can be enjoyed outside the gore, along with it.

*3 Lance Approvals*

"WHEN A STRANGER CALLS"

Yes, the "OG" version, not the retarded remake. "When A Stranger Calls" is one of the earliest slasher films, but it falls under the thriller banner more in my opinion. Good acting, and decent film making, the only real flaw here are the boring middle parts. I like that they actually make the killer a character and not just some dumb soulless human that even at this time would have been a played out copy. The detective parts aren't bad, but they don't really live up to the now legendary beginning. It is a shame that a horrible remake is what finally gives a movie like this some exposure. I'd still prefer the earlier slashers of "Halloween" and "Psycho", but "When A Stranger Calls" has the kind of soul horror movies lack today.

*2 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"The only good thing about the remake was my voice over the phone."

"PAPRIKA"

Not the most obscure movie, but somewhat unknown to American audiences, "Paprika" is one of the strangest anime films to ever be released in U.S. theaters. "Paprika" is about a newly developed machine that can help therapists enter their patient's dreams. This device is stolen and it is up to the creators and a mysterious woman named Paprika to get it back. Any further analysis is not needed, basically you are going to be watching a mixture of dream and reality done in a very trippy animated way. The film has been called one of the most visually breathtaking anime films since "Spirited Away" and I have to agree. Although I am no expert on anime, the images and artwork are what really shine in this film. I'll give an example of what this film has to offer in the visual department:

The artwork of the film is certainly something to marvel at, but that does not mean the film is exempt from flaws. Some of the characters are under developed, probably pushed aside due to the grand scheme of crazy images throughout. Also, it is an extremely hard film to follow at times. The bizarre images don't necessarily help out the clarity of the plot line. Although some of these aspects may leave you confused, I believe the film doesn't need to be completely understood and more so, experienced.

*3 Lance Approvals*

"BLOODMATCH"

One of my favorite time killers is going to a local used video store and scavenging through the cheap VHS section, looking for out of print and obscure action movies. Awhile back, I came upon "Bloodmatch" and I realized quickly just from the box it met all the criteria I usually look for. Some awesome B-movie actors? Check. Director known to the genre? Check. Cool action/martial arts/violence? Check plus! As soon as I spent my hard earned 50 cents, I wanted to go home and watch this hidden treasure. Once it started playing in my battle tested VCR, my excitement quickly started to dwindle.

"Bloodmatch" is another revenge flick, where a man brings together a bunch of fighters and tries to kill the man or in this case kickboxer, who has killed his brother. I'm really not leaving anything out, because once this group is assembled in an abandoned arena, the last 50 minutes of this film is pretty much an extended fight scene. "Bloodmatch" does not bother cutting down the fight scene time limits, and usually I would be all for this, but here the fight moments are painfully long and awkward. "They Live" is praised for having the longest most ridiculous fight scene, but I'd beg to differ that multiple scenes in "Bloodmatch" exceed that movie's fight scene time limit. And for sure exceed the ridiculousness of that brawl. Also this film suffers from not having any sort of true protagonist, or antagonist for that matter. The main character is never really established till halfway through the film, and you just have a bunch of fighters running around at different times and places. Once you realize who the lead is, you don't know if he's the good guy or bad guy. And believe me, this film is not taking artistic strides and breaking boundaries, it is not a mystery what is going on here.

It's a shame this was such an awful movie. The director Albert Pyun has actually made some tolerable movies in the genre. "Cyborg" is one of my favorite Van Damme movies, and "Kickboxer 2" is one of the better martial arts sequels. The lead Thom Matthews may even be recognizable to you horror movie nerds for his starring role as Tommy Jarvis in "Friday the 13th: Part VI" as well as a leading role in "Return of the Living Dead". You will also recognize some of your basic martial arts extras that made their way into other movies, but alas they do not save the film. In the end, I won't be getting rid of this from my collection. It is extremely hard to find. Also, it looks nice next to all the other bad martial arts C movies of the 80's and early 90s on my shelf.

*1/2 Lance Approval*

Lance respects fellow B movie action actor Thunder Wolf, but thats about it.

"ONE FALSE MOVE"

This blog is basically about the hidden gems of the film industry that should be recognized more. Sometimes I like to talk about the really bad movies, or the gross movies, but every once in awhile I like to talk about one of the really good unknown films. "One False Move" by Carl Franklin is simply one of the very best unknown B movies of all time. Co-written/starring a then unheard of Billy Bob Thorton, this crime thriller is about a small group of criminals who are fleeing to a small town, and the detectives of LA County must instill the help of local small town Sheriff in their pursuit to capture the criminals. Sounds like your basic crime thriller doesn't it? Well it really isn't and it must be witnessed to understand.

"One False Move" is wonderfully directed, acted, and written. You aren't going to find many flaws here. Bill Paxton is both funny and sad. Billy Bob Thorton is wicked and Cynda Williams as Fantasia is mesmerizing. If you don't believe me, do your research and you will see that almost every critic and viewer agrees. This movie is probably the best crime thriller i've seen in this modern day and age. A quick interesting fact: this film was never even meant to hit theaters. But by word of mouth and demand it was released theatrically and not just on video.

Sometimes it is hard to give something like a really entertaining, but bad film a good grade, and then give a more serious piece of film making a similar good grade. I'd like to think it all depends on the audience and the understanding of the film. For example "One False Move" may get the same grade as something like "Dead Alive" but you look at them very differently. But in the end, they both deliver in the way they need to. I believe anyone who likes to look outside the box should check out some of these movies I've posted about, but if you had to pick one, then pick this one.

*4 Lance Approvals*

The only thing that could make this film better would be to include Lance himself. Otherwise, a perfect piece of film making.