"THE STUFF"

"The Stuff" was no doubt a classic of my childhood. I somewhat forgot about it over the years but awhile back I was going through the local 50 cent VHS and lone behold there was a copy. How could I pass it up? First the good news: The film is not your basic schlock horror. My memory only had me remembering the gross out parts, but there is actually a message under it all. The film is definitely a commentary on American consumerism and the ideals of just blindly buying into what we are told. Now the bad: the acting is almost unbearable at points. Some of the actors are Ok, but even for a bad movie, it is really bad. The special effects are decent and cool to look at, especially for an extremely low budget movie in the 80s. "The Stuff" can be viewed as your basic cheesy 80's movie, but I believe it has it's own identity. This film never takes itself seriously, which is good to an extent. For fans of "The Blob" and ice cream.

*2 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"PARIS, TEXAS"

"Paris, Texas" is one of those special films that can't be recreated or imitated. It is a very American film, but has the touches of a foreign filmmaker that can only result in originality. This is a very slow film, but maybe the most interesting slow film of the past 30 years. The film follows Harry Dean Stanton, a drifter who is wandering the desert and lost in life. Eventually a family member finds him and the pieces of his troubled past or unraveled in a poetic and sad way that any sort of synopsis could not describe.

"Paris, Texas" will forever be on many greatest films of all time list and it is deservingly so. It is extremely acclaimed, but for some reason has never seemed to make it past the cult following. Why this film didn't win, let alone be nominated for best picture in 1984 is beyond me. Roger Ebert once said something along the lines of any film starring Harry Dean Stanton is interesting, because if he is on the screen it is worth watching. I have to agree, he is one of the great character actors of our generation you may not know, but can recognize from many films. He has been involved in a lot of great movies such as "Alien", "Escape From New York", "Wild At Heart", but he was never the focus. I am glad he is the focus of this film and he puts together the performance of a lifetime. This is the kind of movie you must see before you die.

*4 Lance Approvals*

DEATH OF THE B-MOVIE'S FAVORITES OF 2009

Just like I mentioned in the "worst of" list, I have not seen every movie this year. I've made a conscious effort to see almost everything that I found worthy, but I still need to view a couple more that may or may not make this list (such as "Avatar", "Moon", and "Until The Light Takes Us"). But I know I won't be seeing all these movies for awhile, so I decided to put together Death of the B-Movies best of 2009. I wasn't overwhelmed by anything this year like I had been in the past few years. Think "There Will Be Blood", "No Country For Old Men", etc. But I wouldn't call it the worst year for film. I think some of the blockbusters and B grade films have seen an improvement, while there was no overly amazing oscar winner. Here is the list...

Dark Horse Pick of 2009:

"Pandorum" starring Ben Foster, Dennis Quaid, and MMA fighter Cung Le

Although it didn't make the official list, I felt "Pandorum" deserved a spot. Due to absolutely no advertising and America's lack of interest in current science fiction, this film was a huge bomb. I'm not surprised, but even if the film isn't that great, I wish it would have been successful to encourage studios to do more big budget sci-fi movies that make you think. This film is not without its flaws, in fact it has quite a few. Some of the "Resident Evil"-esque scenes really blew some of the credibility for me. The plot is actually quite confusing, and I wasn't fond of all the performances. But I was entertained and intrigued the whole time. I also liked what I saw on the screen visually. This seems like the perfect example of a film that could have been amazing if it was given enough time and money, with no studio interference.

7) Public Enemies starring Depp, Bale, and THE MAN Don Frye!

Surprisingly, there was a lot of hate for this film. And while I think it was far from the perfect movie, I don't really understand the negative criticism. Maybe the historical drama genre is becoming played out, but I don't think this got the credit it deserved. It is just another solid example of good film making like many of it's historical crime drama counterparts in the past. I especially liked that Depp and Bale came back with decent performances after their lackluster roles in epic blockbusters like "Terminator: Salvation" and "Pirates of the Caribbean".

6) "The Hangover" starring a bunch of assholes who will be in everything from now on

Comedy in 2009, like every year, had it's ups and downs. I was let down by the hyped "I Love You, Man" and bored with the plain "Funny People", but "The Hangover" actually surpassed my expectations. I thought it was going to be flat out dumb, but I found myself thoroughly enjoying the majority of the movie. There are laughs for the movie going masses, but also unique touches that a jaded asshole like myself could appreciate. Zach Galifianakis steals the show, but there are a lot of good performances here. At this point, this film is the farthest thing from a secret. It is probably the break out movie of the year, but the B movie nation can appreciate what "The Hangover" is doing.

5) "District 9" starring slimy bugs

What can I say about this that isn't already known? Along with "The Hangover" this is probably the break out film of the year as well. A good mixture of action, science fiction, drama, and even some comedy. The CGI was actually well done for once. And although the final act turned into a somewhat formulaic action showdown, I was extremely entertained. I liked that there were no major Hollywood stars involved. On top of that I appreciated the main character for being realistic, and not your typical hero. At times you hate the worm of a man, and I am glad the film took that direction instead of the down and out hero rising to the top. This movie satisfies the movie going masses along with the sci-fi nerds, so for that "District 9" has the backing of Death of the B-movie.

4) "Anvil" a documentary starring the failed band Anvil

This is probably the most emotional film of 2009 for me. It wasn't sappy, it didn't have any dumb romance, it was a tale of broken men in one of the hardest industries to succeed in. They are obviously talented musicians but for a lot of small reasons, they just never seemed to make it. Their family and friends are pretty much fed up, but the core members of Anvil will never give up. Although technically not made in 2009, or released everywhere this year, Anvil got a theatrical push this year, so for that it makes it's way onto our list.

3) "Inglourious Basterds" starring Brad Pitt, BJ Novak, and Eli Roth

Another Nazi movie you say? You won't see me turning away from a Nazi picture, but luckily we have something different here. Although it writes it's own history, "Inglourious Basterds" is probably the most interesting and exciting approach to the Nazi subject. With most Tarantino pictures we have a great amount of brutal violence and a huge block of detailed dialogue. I feel this film mixes both the best, whereas some of his other films are just too much of one or the other. With me, sometimes Tarantino is hit or miss. "Inglourious Basterds" is definitely a hit, maybe his best hit in many years.

2) "The Hurt Locker" starring no one famous, with some famous people cameos

From the opening scene, this is the most intense movie of 2009. I think it is also safe to say that this is the best movie based on the current modern war, and I don't really see anything in the future topping it. I'm a big supporter of Kathryn Bigelow. With films like "Point Break", "Near Dark", and "Strange Days" she may be my favorite female director and "The Hurt Locker" not only solidifies that, but brings her up another notch in talent. It would be a shame if the Oscars ignored this film, especially in such a barren year for great films.

1) "Tyson" a documentary starring Mike Tyson

First off, I'd like to say this film breaks no new grounds. Most everyone in this day and age knows about Mike Tyson and knows about his hugely successful career, along with his epic downfall. Also documentaries like this have been done before. But the way this is done and the emotion that can be drawn from this film is amazing. You basically sit there and listen to Tyson talk with some stock footage and many old photographs. Boxing fans will salivate over this film, but honestly I believe anyone can find something great here. I especially liked the decent amount of footage about Mike Tyson's amateur career and original training before he hit the big spotlight. From the second I finished watching this movie, I knew I'd have a hard time finding another favorite of the year. Don't be an idiot and watch this film.

There it is, now I'm off to go see "Avatar" and hopefully not kicking myself for not including it on the list.

DEATH OF THE B-MOVIE'S WORST OF 2009

Ok, let me start off by saying, I have not seen every movie this year. So obviously this isn't a definitive list. Also take into consideration that I have not viewed movies such as "The Ugly Truth" and "The Proposal", because it is flat out just insulting to me. I've heard a lot about movies like "Miss March" and "All About Steve" being horrendous and should be on any worst list of all time, not just for the year, but once again I wouldn't subject myself to that filth, even if you payed me. So take this list as the worst movies someone who reads this blog might actually go and see, I would hope that any reader of Death of the B-Movie would never be caught walking into a theater to view "Confessions of a Shopaholic"...

7)" X-Men Origins: Wolverine" starring Hugh Jackman on steroids

I wouldn't really call this film a worst of all time, in fact, it was entertaining at moments. But the sheer mishandling of an epic story that nerds around the world could have rejoiced over, has left me at a point where this movie must be condemned for it's generic output. I'm not an advocate for keeping a movie exactly the same as an original story-line, whether it be novel or comic. Some things must be changed to work for a movie, but completely changing it to approve the movie going masses is what actually hurt this film. Trying to make it as hollywood and understandable for stupid 13 year old boys is it's ultimate downfall. Also a huge minus was the ever annoying Ryan Reynolds as tough guy Deadpool.

6) "Friday the 13th" starring... um, who cares?

I did not expect much from this, but I was given nothing. Is this a remake? Is this a sequel? Nothing is really clear here, all I know is that it was somewhat based off the first 3 films, but done in 2009 where the idiotic teenage plot has no place. The original "Friday the 13th" films were special for a reason, and in 2009 "Friday the 13th" tames down what has already been done and repackages it for the masses in a non-exciting way. The deaths weren't even cool.

5) "The Informers" starring Mickey and Billy, oh why oh why?

Bret Easton Ellis novels have not always made the best transition to film. The films themselves all had something good though, even if they weren't accurate with the original novel, but "The Informers" has the hardest transition of them all. How do you make a movie where random things just happen and people are basically robots on drugs? The lack of emotion and care really shows here. It doesn't help that two of the best actors of our time (Mickey Rourke and Billy Bob Thorton) are playing characters as pointless as they come. "The Informers" is one of the few Easton Ellis novels I have not read. I fully planned on reading it in the near future, until I saw this movie. If it is anything like the film, it goes to the bottom of my to-do list.

4) "Extract" starring half the cast of "Arrested Development" and half the cast of every Judd Apatow movie, with none of the comedy

This one really pains me. I am a fan of what Mike Judge has made in the past. "Office Space" may be one of the best comedies of the 90's. Every actor/actress in this film has also been involved in something solid in the past, including the ever annoying Ben Affleck. When I sat in the theater I had the feeling of waiting the whole time. I was waiting for the funny part to happen, or for the film to at least turn more serious and into a decent drama. Sadly, it never came and the result was as boring as vanilla extract itself. "Office Space" took the everyday routine and made it funny and interesting, Extract is even more boring than the everyday routine and makes you wonder why it was even made to begin with.

3) "The Unborn" starring my main man James Remar and the usually entertaining Gary Oldman

The past year or so we've seen a semi-improvement in horror. I felt some movies almost hit the successful horror pedigree, but fell slightly short because of the standards of today's cinema. "The Unborn" brings us back to the completely idiotic and pointless horror film that has ruined the genre today. I knew this movie wasn't going to be good, and why I gave it a chance, I'm still not sure. But why did it have to be this bad? The movie literally has shots just to show the lead actresses' ass. Not a sex scene, not her running and it happens to show her backside, just her standing at a mirror in skimpy underwear and nothing else happening. You won't see me condemning any nudity scenes anytime soon, but seriously what was the point of this? What was the point of this retarded movie?

2) "My Bloody Valentine" starring hmmm have I ever seen any of these people in a film before?

If it wasn't for my biased hate for the #1 film on this list, "My Blood Valentine" in 3D may be the worst movie of 2009. I did not have the pleasure of viewing it in 3D, but I did have the horrible task of seeing it in 2D where the shots made for 3D excitement made it even more painful to watch. I've seen high school video projects with better acting than this film. It really pains me to have my worst of 09' list dominated by horror, but sadly that is the state we are in. I am actually a huge supporter of the original "My Bloody Valentine". It is one of the better and more unique slashers out there, even the man himself Tarantino agrees. Once again, my childhood is slowly killed by the remakes of today.

1) "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

UGH. I hate this movie more than almost any other movie in the history of film. It is painful knowing the millions of dollars pumped into this garbage could have been used for good, and even more painful knowing how successful this movie was. Basically all it shows me is how retarded America really is. I can't believe anyone would find this good. The script may be the most annoying and horribly worded piece of writing trash in the history of blockbuster cinema. I thought the special effects and fights would at least be entertaining, but no it was awful. For one, there is just way too much CGI, nothing looks real. Two, the battles are just metal balls of confusion where you don't know who's doing what or even which side the transformer is on. 1980's cartoon animators did 1000 times better with cartoon battles than Michael Bay productions. Don't be an idiot and go into this thinking you will get what you loved as a child. Don't be even more of an idiot and go in thinking it will be worth it because of Megan Fox. Please just do yourself a favor and skip it, so we don't have to be subjected to something like this ever again.

honorable mentions:

"Terminator: Salvation" for stinking up the forever classic Terminator film series. I never though Terminator 3 wouldn't be the worst film in the series...

"Observe & Report" why wasn't this funnier? The director of the best show on television right now "Eastbound & Down" and one of Hollywood's best new comedic stars? Where did it go wrong?

"Ninja Assassin" unless Tony Jaa makes more movies that come to the U.S., I think it is safe to say the Americanized martial arts film genre is completely dead. The script is so stupid and the potentially cool martial arts scenes are ruined by buckets of the most unrealistic low level CGI blood of all time.

There you have it, be ready next year for even more hate.

"THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN"

Ah yes, if anyone knows me they know I am a huge advocate of this movie. I'm pretty much a fan of all things 80's and this is no exception. "The Last American Virgin" could be viewed as your typical horny teenager movie or second rate "Fast Times At Ridgemont High", but I believe it stands above all the others for a couple reasons. One reason is that it is willing to take risks. "Porkys" and those movies were pretty crude, but here we have things even more perverted than those movies, but also it isn't afraid to show a little emotion. The second reason is the more realistic ending. I don't want to give it away for those who haven't seen it, but for those who have, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Let's just say you don't get your typical happy movie ending, and it ends on a very odd note. I like the actors too, we get Lawrence Monoson who you may know as one of Jason's victims in "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter", along with Steve Antin, who you may remember as the douche bag jock in "The Goonies". I remember my entire high school career, I searched long and far for this film. It was out of print and only available on VHS. Luckily now, it is a widespread DVD release. Do yourself a favor and pick up the best of the 80's teen comedies.

*3 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"STONE COLD"

When I was a kid, there was a certain kind of movie I looked for. One that had a lot of violence, action, guns, and badassery. "Stone Cold" is that film and it doesn't get much more bad ass than that. Starring ex-NFL bad boy Brian Bosworth and Death of the B-movie blog idol Lance Henriksen, "Stone Cold is about an undercover cop who must infiltrate the most deadly biker gang in America. From there you have your basic action movie plot, but with an extremely high body count and a great amount of things only an early 90's action movie could get away with. Everyone here is shirtless and well, just over the top, including Bosworth's hair. Chains Cooper may be the best biker of the 90s as well. "Stone Cold" is one of the manliest movies around, now go be a man and ride a harley out on the highway with an open chested vest.

*3 Lance Approvals*

How can Lance not approve?

"BOXING HELENA"

Seeing is believing, and I had to see this film to really believe. I'm surprised this bizarre film was ever even allowed into production. "Boxing Helena" directed by David Lynch's daughter is about a man ("Warlock" himself) who is so obsessed with a woman that he goes to any length to keep her... and by that I mean cutting off all her limbs. The film starts off very strange with its mood and over the top acting by Julian Sands, but it really enters the bizarre once Helena is actually living with him and missing her limbs.

Nothing is taboo here, I can see why many leading Hollywood woman turned down the Helena role, because let's be real here, it would have killed their careers. Julian Sands is out of hand in this film, but delivers the pitiful and disturbed man very well. He is so good at being a worm that I don't really have any interest in seeing his performances ever again, well besides "Warlock" of course. Sherilyn Finn from "Twin Peaks" is beautiful but also so good at being a bitch that you don't completely sympathize with her, which would make this movie even more controversial if you actually cared about her. We also get a little bit of Bill Paxton psychotic action, anytime Bill Paxton is involved; I'm excited. This really is a must see for the disturbed like myself, just don't expect a nice night out at the movies.

*2 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"HOUSE OF GAMES"

"House of Games" is David Mamet's directorial debut, and it is a fine debut indeed. One of the most original deception movies of all time and one of the classics of the 1980s. Describing the film's plot line in a short couple of sentences does not do justice to the overall story. I won't even bother with that. What I will tell you is that almost everything about this film is perfect. Yes I said it, and it deserves on any great movies of the past century list. The acting, especially by the two leads is superb. The dialogue is extremely rich and the soundtrack is perfect. The direction may not be the most unique aspect of the film, but it is surely up to standards and the plot twists are better than anything else I've seen recently in the drama or thriller genre. Do yourself a favor and pick up, or at least rent the Criterion DVD of this excellent film.

*4 Lance Approvals*

"LET SLEEPING CORPSES LIE"

Set in the English countryside, but actually filmed in Italy, "Let Sleeping Corpses Lie" is another cult favorite of the foreign zombie film genre. The plot is somewhat irrelevant, but I like the different touch of an agricultural machine making the dead rise. Basically you have some people meeting each other and they end up in a zombie situation. Luckily this film was created in the early 70's and that story line hadn't been completely killed to death.

All over the internet I read a lot of comments about it being one of the best unknown zombie films. I guess you have to define unknown. I don't think I'd call it one of the best, but it is for sure not the worst. Overlooked? For sure. Essential? Hardly. If you can ignore the bad voice overs and the fact that it is extremely dated, this is a great film for horror buffs and zombie nerds alike with some great gore and surprisingly beautiful scenery.

*2 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"NIGHT OF THE DEMONS"

"Night of the Demons" is what we over here at Death of the B-Movie like to call "a classic of bad cinema". Straight up, the acting sucks, the budget sucks, the direction and plot suck, there isn't much good going around, but it still manages to be an extremely entertaining movie. Luckily it doesn't take itself too seriously, and once it gets going, it is a treat to watch.

The film basically follows typical stupid 80's teenagers who go to a haunted house type setting on Halloween and bad shit starts to happen. The reason why and how possession by demons starts remains unclear, but is that really necessary in a film like this? I'd say it is comparable to the "Evil Dead" films with its low budget gore with equal scares and laughs. Supposedly a remake has been made that I have yet to view, but we all know a movie like this can only be done in the 80's. Need I say more horror nerds? If you haven't seen it, you must check it out...

*3 Lance Approvals*

"THINNER"

"Thinner" is a mid-90's Stephen King adaptation that finds itself lost somewhere in the middle of the King web of stories. It certainly isn't the worst, but no one is putting it in their top 10 Stephen King. "Thinner" is about an overweight lawyer that gets in a car wreck and accidentally kills an old gypsy woman. Her gypsy father then casts a curse on the fat lawyer turning him into a skinny freak. At first it is a blessing, but it becomes a curse the lawyer must put a stop to. "Thinner" is directed by Tom Holland, who you may know as the director of "Child's Play" and "Fright Night". The film also has some semi decent actors with often cast gangster Joe Mantegna ("House of Games"), often naked/whorish Kari Wuhrer ("Anaconda", "Sliders"), and often cast white guy Robert John Burke ("Robocop 3").

The problem with "Thinner" is that is plays out more like an extended episode of "Tales From The Crypt" opposed to a feature length movie. I like that it doesn't take itself too seriously and you are constantly entertained, but the twist ending and the over the top performances almost relegate it to "made for TV" status. I believe the good outweigh the bad though, and "Thinner" is heavy in appealing characteristics. In the end, "Thinner" is mostly enjoyable for it's excellent makeup effects and campy feel. Maybe not an essential B-movie, but a worthy 90's horror see.

*2 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"HOME MOVIE"

Keeping on the subject of documentaries, we have "Home Movie" by Chris Smith. Mr. Smith is probably more known for his other documentary "American Movie", but "Home Movie" has it's share of memorable moments and should be discussed among the unique documentaries of the past 10 years. Like "American Movie" this film captures all the weird but loveable people only America could produce. Here we get to see five of the good ole USA's most unique homes. There is an alligator wrangler who lives on a houseboat in Louisiana, an older woman living in a treehouse located in Hawaii, a man who invented everything in his home - automated rooms and such, a couple who live in a cat home, and finally a family that developed their home in an underground missile silo.

Although every one of these homeowner's seem to be insane they are also interesting and living out what they believe to be the "American Dream". This film honestly creeped me out at moments, but it was also hilarious and dare I say heartwarming? These people definitely live outside the box and it makes you wonder what everyone else would do if they weren't so caught up in being a typical member of society. In the end this is a short and fun film. Everyone can enjoy this film, definitely A-CAP backed.

*3 Lance Approvals*

"BURDEN OF DREAMS"

Whenever I thought about insane movie directors, the first person who always came to mind was James Cameron. His intense vision and lack of human emotion really emphasize the moral of a director who will do anything to complete his perfect film. People's feelings and safety are not taken into account for the sake of his art and I always found that hilarious and interesting. I am proud to say after viewing "Burden of Dreams", Werner Herzog takes the cake for most insane director. "Burden of Dreams" is a documentary about the making of world famous film "Fitzcarraldo" which was plagued with problems from the beginning. The story of "Fitzcarraldo" is that of an insane man trying to build an opera house in the amazon. The true story of "Burden of Dreams" rivals the plot and main character because of Herzog's vision of creating an authentic and perfect movie in the amazon.

Here we see a 30 ton ship being pulled over a muddy hill. There were easier ways to do it, but Herzog insisted on doing it like this and it caused many problems, including injuries. This is just one of the many problems Herzog comes across in making this film, along with being unwelcoming in the middle of a civil war between amazon tribes. There are many one on one interviews with Herzog himself where he slowly slips into insanity while the movie falls apart. He is not completely insane though, he is a genius filmmaker and he has some great insight while discussing matters of life and film. This is not a perfect film, in fact, there are some boring moments, but if you have seen "Fitzcarraldo" or have interest in seeing it, you will appreciate it much more after viewing this documentary. Definitely one of the better documentary's out there, and deserves more recognition. If anything, "Burden of Dreams" should at least be viewed by any film buff interesting in the art of filmmaking.

*3 and 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"BEAUTIFUL BOXER"

Keeping with the martial arts theme of the weekend, let's take a more serious turn for one of the most unique true story's/films of all time, "Beautiful Boxer". This movie is the story of Nong Thoom, a young man in Thailand who struggles with his identity. Ever since he was a small boy he felt different, and was more in tune with his female side. Eventually Nong Thoom takes up muay thai, where he becomes a very talented fighter winning prize money to provide for his family, but eventually to fund an expensive sex change operation. In one of the manliest sports around, Thoom must battle with keeping his feelings to himself or letting his true self out. Below is a picture documenting the stages of the real Nong Thoom:

This is the kind of story you wouldn't believe is true till you saw it with your own eyes. It is one of the craziest events in world history in my opinion. But as crazy as it sounds, it isn't that insane of a story. It is a remarkably done film that only a foreign film maker could create. Although this film has some rare subject matter, I would say it is somewhat tame. The operation is discussed, but we never see it. The film is more about the feelings of the fighter and what a different young man goes through, thrown together with the training and fighting lifestyle of Thailand's national sport. Also this is one of the rare films to use actual Muay Thai instead of just movie martial arts. The actor playing Nong Thoom is portrayed by real life Thai boxer Asanee Suwan, who had never acted prior to this film. Any movie buff and foreign film fan should check this movie out. It is not just an action movie, it is everything. This film is extremely rich in quality and look. I am not doing the film justice with a 2 paragraph review. You must view it with your own eyes to fully understand and appreciate this story.

*4 Lance Approvals*

"AMERICAN KICKBOXER 1"

In keeping with the low budget martial arts films, lets take a look at "American Kickboxer 1". Before even viewing this movie, you know it is off to a good start when the number 1 is already in the title. Don't even bother hiding the fact that there will be a sequel with movies like this, and "American Kickboxer 1" embraces this. "American Kickboxer 1" stars a bunch of American kickboxing rules fighters who have some legit competition behind their belts in a formulaic but entertaining martial arts competition story. Main character is on top, main character falls. While he falls, bad guy rises to the top. Good guy must overcome the odds and beat the bad guy. We've seen this time and time again, but this movie at least attempts to add some of it's own touches and keep it entertaining.

I enjoyed the semi realistic fight scenes. While it may not look as pretty as "Kickboxer" or "Bloodsport" it has a more realism that someone who has done martial arts can enjoy. The acting isn't the worst, but it is definitely over the top. This style movie no longer works, but if you are a fan of the late 80s/early 90s action genre like me, this is right up your alley. Also, little known fact: "American Kickboxer 2" is an unrelated sequel that has nothing to do with the original, the actual sequel to this film is title "To The Death" which also stars John Barnett from this film.

*2 Lance Approvals*

"FUTUREKICK"

"Futurekick" starring Don "The Dragon" Wilson is suppose to be "The Terminator" meets "Kickboxer" with a large dose of "Total Recall". While I think some of the story rips off "Total Recall" and the opening credits is the biggest "Terminator" rip off ever, most of the similarities stop there, or at least the budget stops it from going any further. But for being so low budget, it is one of the better films in the least loved genre of "martial arts sci-fi".

From the beginning, this movie had no real chance to be taken seriously, except with avid martial arts movie fans. Even semi-fans would probably be turned off by the science fiction. But as bad as this movie is, it really isn't that bad. There are some decent actors here as well, including the late great Chris Penn and Meg Foster ("Masters of the Universe", "They Live"). Exploding heads, legit martial arts, and futuristic strippers gets my stamp of approval. Just don't mess with the Don...

*2 Lance Approvals*

"THAT WAS THEN... THIS IS NOW"

Craig Sheffer strikes again on Death of the B-Movie blog! And you better believe this isn't the last time. I don't know what it is about movies starring Craig Sheffer, he's a great actor, but they never quite seem to make it. Anyway "That Was Then... This Is Now" is one of the lesser known S.E. Hinton film adaptations. If you aren't an idiot you've heard of or read his other works "The Outsiders" and "Rumble Fish". This time around we don't have the all star cast of those films, but we do have another 80's teen star in Emelio Estevez. He actually wrote the screenplay for this film, and while it isn't amazing, it surely isn't bad. He does take some artistic liberties though with "his" version, such as, a more 80's/brat pack style than the book.

Despite it's flaws, I still think it is a decent movie about growing up. The 80's did it the best, and I still would rather watch this than any teen movie from the past 15 years. It's no "Sixteen Candles" as far as popularity, but it isn't much worse than the other brat pack movies of that era. Once again, the age old argument of "the book is better than the movie" applies here, but this isn't a bad movie. If you love the 80's and coming of age, check it out. It's out of print and somewhat rare, but look around your local video store and you may find a cheap used copy like I did. If you don't like it, sell it on amazon for 30 bucks to some idiot.

*2 1/2 Lance Approvals*

"TERMINAL INVASION"

I used to believe anything starring Bruce Campbell could be semi-entertaining. Then I watched "Terminal Invasion". I usually tend to stay away from sci-fi original movies, but because this one was starring the man himself and directed by Sean S. Cunningham ("Friday the 13th") I decided to give it a shot...

Man, sci-fi originals are just plain bad. TV movies in general seem to lack a lot of impressive qualities, but the sci-fi channel really goes to no lengths to make anything original or interesting. Sadly, this is not the worst of what the sci-fi channel has produced. But, this film is also insulting to anyone's intelligence. Black people will cringe at the representation of their race, and the twist involving this gentleman at the end doesn't make up for the blatantly racist and stereotypical role he portrays. A major flaw with this film can be figured out from just reading the back of the dvd case. Why would aliens try to take over a small airport in the middle of nowhere when they have the technology and strength to take on a major city airport? Is logic ruining the film experience for me? Or maybe just the idea of budget effecting the film's plot is to blame, I don't know. Bruce Campbell is still fun to look at and listen to, but the film probably would have been better off letting him just improvise all his lines. Maybe they did because it doesn't seem like they cared much about this film, and he chose to be the generic fallen hero. When it comes to recent Campbell outings, I recommend "My Name is Bruce" instead.

*1 Lance Approval*

Come on Bruce, we know you could do better with a camcorder in your backyard.